Rollercoaster

Today was a hard day, a really hard day.

Ever since I found out that the little school right by our house (walking distance, i.e. jogging stroller distance!) had an opening for Carson, I have been an emotional roller coaster.

This little school is owned by parishioners of our church who also happen to be Aggies. So many of the ladies from church have sent their kids there and LOVED it. Apparently the principal and kindergarten teacher at the elementary school have said they wish all kids could go there. Did I mention, it's WALKING distance from our house.

So what's the problem, you ask?

This school is only for 18 months & up, and I had his name on the list back when we weren't even in need of day care and still had a nanny. I had planned on starting him there when he was 18 months, but our nanny ended up quitting before that, so I had to enroll him somewhere else.

Here's where the problem is...Carson LOVES his teachers at that somewhere else. They love him too. Starting him in "school", despite all my fears, ended up being the best thing for him. He LOVES it. He was SO bored at home and really needed all the interaction with other kids. This school is about 15 minutes away, which I know isn't that far, but ends up being more than hour out of my day if I take him and drop him off. It's not exactly on the way for Andrew either which means that on most days we have to wake Carson up earlier and shovel him out the door by 7:15. I hate that. If I let him sleep in a little more, then I don't end up starting work until 8:30 or 9:00.

I'm so emotional about moving him for so many reasons. I have cried buckets. I DREADED telling his school we were leaving and cried the whole time I was telling them (even after I practiced my "speech" in the shower a million times). I cried more in the car. I cried last night as I wrote thank you notes to his teachers. I bawled when I dropped him off for the last time this morning and cried the whole way home. I'm crying now as I write this. I'm sure I'll cry again tonight when we pick him up.

I hate "goodbyes" and I know his teachers will miss him. He doesn't really understand, but I know he'll miss his teachers too. I'll miss all the ladies there. When we walk in the door, everyone knows Carson's name and is always happy to see him. He runs to one of his teachers to give her a hug. They were so accommodating when I was desperate to find a day care after our nanny quit. I hate disrupting his routine (even though his new school is on just about the same schedule) and taking him out what he knows as a safe environment. I just pray every day that his new teachers will be as loving as his old ones and that he will develop the same bond with them. The decision to move was purely a selfish, logistical decision, and they know that, but I still feel bad. I don't want to burn any bridges. I know they don't feel like that, but I just don't like disappointing anyone. I also just struggle with the whole "Am I making the right decision?" I know this is the first of MANY times I will have to make decisions on behalf of my children, and every time, I guess all I can do is pray that I am making the right decision.

I know he'll be fine. He's so easy going and adapts to any situation. He's rarely clingy... only when he doesn't feel good. I took him up to the new school twice and he walked right in the room like he owned the joint. He'll be the youngest in this class (he doesn't look like it though!), and I'm actually hoping this helps him in the talking department. I think he was one of the oldest in his other class and just seemed a lot bigger than some of those kids. I'm hoping being around slightly older kids will be better for his development (or he'll just learn bad habits more quickly!).

I just hope he is still young enough that this won't even phase him. It just really did put a smile on my face when I dropped him off and he ran to give his teacher a hug. I know it may have been tacky, but I included a little note in the thank you notes that if they ever wanted to babysit, to please e-mail or text me. I think that was my way of hoping that we'll see them again. I keep telling myself that because his new school is so close, we'll be able to spend more time together as a family versus spending it in the car. I have dreams of throwing him in the BOB and jogging him up there on pretty days. I might actually be able to work out now without getting up extra early. Because there weren't any issues at the old school, I think that's why this has been so hard.

When saying Carson's prayers at night, I've been adding in a "Tell Mommy not to worry, I'll do great at my new school. I hope my teachers are really nice."

If you would, please say a little prayer for Carson (and for me) that we make it through this transition.

God already threw one little blessing in there for me. Carson was supposed to have already started at his new school, but because of his weeklong sickness, I extended his start date. He got to be in his class picture at his old school! YAY!