Yesterday I would have been 20 weeks... 1/2 way to meeting our next little one. We would have known by now if we were welcoming a little girl or little boy into our lives. It's still kind of strange to think about it that way. I still have May 22nd marked on my calendar. I wonder if that day will just come and go as others do or if it will be difficult. As I've said before, I really am at peace with everything, but as these milestones approach and pass, it does make me a little sad. It seems that there are new pregnancy posts or gender announcements every day on Facebook. I really am so happy for all those people and pray they don't ever have to face the harsh reality of miscarriage. I see so many of the younger "kids" posting about due dates that seem so far away. I do the math and realize they practically just took the pregnancy test and wonder why in the world they are going public so soon. I know that's none of my business, but do they not know their heart can be broken at any time? I guess you don't really think about that until after it's happened to you. I know I certainly didn't think about it with Carson. I know that when you find out you are pregnant, most people are bursting with joy and can't wait to share the news. I hope that {God-willing} when we do get pregnant again, I will still have that joy and not be a nervous wreck, just waiting for something bad to happen. By nature I am an optimist, so I don't want to be a 'glass half-empty' person when it comes to pregnancy.
I never thought I would say it, but I was glad that I WASN'T pregnant when we had the break-in. If I had been pregnant while that was happening, it could not have been good for the baby. My stress level during the encounter was off the charts, and I'm still struggling with anxiety and paranoia at night... it comes and goes in waves. That whole ordeal really brought Andrew and I closer together. You really do bond with someone after a traumatic experience like that. I know our relationship is stronger now than ever before, which can only be a good thing. Sometimes I wonder if all of that was just part of God's plan... maybe we needed some more us time before taking on all the responsibilities of a new baby. We were in that all-too-common rut where our lives revolved 100% around Carson, and we never really took anytime for our marriage. Nothing was bad, I just don't think we realized how little time we really spent just the two of us. That's changed now, and we're doing a much better job of taking time for us. When His time is right, I think a new baby will have a much stronger family to come into.
While 2012 had a lot of happy moments, there were also a lot more things than usual that made it not so great.... miscarriage, home invasion, illnesses in the family, death, etc. We were more than ready for 2013 to be here.... CHEERS to a happy and healthy new year!
Happy New Year, Everyone!
We had a great Christmas, I'm just a little behind on uploading pics and blogging about it. :-)
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